you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
