Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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