Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
