Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
