A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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