yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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