there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
