so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
