I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
