I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
