You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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