Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
