Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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