The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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