you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
