it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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