fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
