Well douche your snatch and let's go!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
