I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
