I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
