Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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