Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
