No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
