my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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