she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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