So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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