You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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