it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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