U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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