I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
