Can Purell be used as lube?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
