she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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