I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
