nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
