is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
