He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
