i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
