I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
