sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
