When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
