I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
