I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
