I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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