Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
