Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
