We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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