I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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