too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
