i wish my penis had a tongue
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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