meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
