Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
