hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
