I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
