You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
