I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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