Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
