someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
