pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
